My Reflection on Love for St Valentine’s Day

Before you start, here some music to listen while reading my article (for full effect or maybe it is just me, but you never know):

• Two steps From hell- Talia’s theme
• Bruton Music- Out Of the cold
• R.Armando Morabito ft. Julie Even- Angel
• Two steps From hell- Wind Queen
• Really Slow Motion- You will be this legend

Love, The oh-so fabulous emotion that can ever happened in someone life. I often find my mind drift toward understanding the meaning of romantic love and universal love. I have been obsessed in finding an answer, even been in emotional turmoil because of this. Is there a difference? Should there be a difference?

I am an addict of romance books till the point I could finish a book in one day (I used to, when I was young, I remember my dad would get angry every time I would asked him to accompany me to the library to rent books, I would finish lot of books in a week, then I got my ipad - the solutions to my current problem. I didn’t have to bring tons of romance books in my school bag and bugged my dad… oh well that’s another story). The reason I mentioned this was because I think in today’s generation, we have the misconception of what love is, I used to have the wrong ideas for a long time because many romantic poets, romance books have got it wrong. What I would find in famous romance books is hot passionate sex that leaves you wanting. Till you start believing maybe love is strongly associated with sex or something. But like grand master says, The answer is not outside, it is within oneself, we are connected to the universe after all, I am amazed that every questions I ask myself, the answers always find their way to my doorstep. For me this is magic.

I am going to tell you of what used to be my belief of love. It is about someone who would love me to death, passionately, we would have the irresistible attraction. Some sweet words here and there, bringing me flowers and whispering those sweet words I so long to hear. I would feel my heartbeat speed up to 3.00 x 108 m/s. b We would kiss and make love in a bed sprinkled with rose petals, some candles around and the appropriate flower essence. My partner would have eye for me and only me. He would pamper me with lots of gifts and yeah the dramatic scenes I’m not willing to share :P ^_*

All those things are awesome; it happens in real for many of us, we all want someone to care deeply for us. Many among us make it an obligation to find a partner, this is what we look for, to find a girlfriend or boyfriend, to settle ourselves. We all want someone to love us. But then why do you think after a few years, the people who were deeply “in love” with each other have a bad breakup, divorce rate keep on skyrocketing. And we are continuing in finding answers of what might be the causes of divorces and breakups. (There are many reasons that could cause partners to separate) When those sweethearts were head over heels in love with each other, I will tell you the answer.

The perfect kind of love

Because we have got the wrong notion of what love is. Whatever we called “romantic love” doesn’t exist and is going to die in a few years, what we are feeling is the passions and passions die down in a few years . The expectation of how love should be can only make us disappointed because we expect so much that when someone is going to love us, then they are going to do this and that. Books, films are the culprits. Shakespear “romeo and Juliet”, Jane Austen “Pride and Prejudice”. It is impossible for a human to meet up with your exact expectation. We dream that when we find our partner, he or she is going to do this and that for us. For example I so much wanted a tennis diamond bracelet and I think it’s romantic if my partner decide to pamper me with this. Even before getting a partner, I already dream of getting this, but the problem is, what if my partner doesn’t want to gift me one. We dream that partner would be rich enough that we could travel all around the world, what if my partner can’t afford this, what if I expected my partner to tell me how gorgeous and to give me attention like a baby when he has got friends and family. And we feel kind of lonely and we are like “yeah, maybe he/she isn’t the one for me” because he/she didn’t meet up with my requirement. Then we try entering a relationship again and bam, the same thing happens. We get disappointed again and again. Is that where our world is heading to? A place with unhappy populations full of broken relationship, all wanting to find love?

If you are one of those people who want to seek love, ask yourself these questions, why do you want to find girlfriend/boyfriend? Why do you want someone love to you? Is it necessary for you to be in a relationship? Why wanting to be in a relationship seems so important to you? Why do you yearn to meet the “one”? We dread the answer, we would find tons of excuses as answers, but we know deep inside the answer is very simple and we don’t like it when someone mentions this to us, because “We already Know this”, we would deny that this is our current problem. The answer is simple like I said, we do not love ourselves enough.

Love yourself first

There I said it, if I read this somewhere, I would say this is pure hogwash, nothing special to know, I already know the answer. Knowing the answer doesn’t stop you from feeling this way. It is okay to feel like this, I understand you because I have been there. (Show some compassion to yourself, you are only human, don’t be so hard on yourself) When we do not love ourselves, we tend to look elsewhere. There is one thing my master used to tell me, if you are not happy right where you are right now inside yourself, you will never be happy anywhere you go. Keep on changing partners, travel from country to country, people will give you so much love, when the heart is unhappy, you will always be unhappy. You know what, she was right? One day my dad was angry and told me this “People will hand you the moon and you will never be satisfied in your life”, that was eye-opening in some way. What I wanted to tell you is that when you don’t love yourself, the heart is close; you cannot see that the other person already loves you. You only end up being hurt because you have too much expectation of what love should be. Start by being happy with being yourself.

Love is compassion, understanding, and acceptance. When you love someone, you accept him or her for who they are with his or her flaws. We all are fighting some demons deep inside; instead of degrading your partner into changing this and that about themselves, one should offer their support and accompany their partner towards the journey of self-development. When you love someone, it is no more about you and your expectations; it is all about the other person. You will have the strong need to support the other person. When you love someone, you will try your best to not hurt the other person. You will care for their well-being. You will be not just happy, but excited when they are working toward their dreams and ambitions and even participate in it. You will be happy for their every success, motivate and comfort them for their every loss. Love is not about lust!

Enough of those selfish expectations (But I know it is hard to live without expectation, so don’t be hard on yourself, compassion?? Have some for yourself! Acceptance is your ladder toward your self-improvement). Make your dreams and ambitions come true. You want to have a happy relationship; you want to get love, then start loving yourself (I am not talking about narcissistic tendency). It is only after truly loving yourself that you will be able to love someone else. I remember many articles or even my master saying, go find new hobbies, something you might like, I never understood what that has anything to do with me finding love earlier. When you find new passions, you will get new interests. And who knows your soul mate may not be so far away, it might even be that neighbour you strongly dislike when you were small and you might meet new potential partners that may not have been your type before and they might even be your soul mate. The main key for a successful relationship is to expect less, love more.